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Finally, I saw what he was getting at. Sometimes there s
a choice you don t think about the choice of whether or
not to decide. At this point, one way or another, I finally
had to decide between Otto and Kevin.
I had to admit it once and for all: Gunnar gave damn
good advice.
124
Kevin or Otto. Why couldn t I decide? Well, because it was
a hard decision, that s why! Give me a break.
But I had to decide. Gunnar was right about that.
I loved Otto. He was right for me. That was obvious
whenever I spent time with him. And he was such a thor-
oughly decent guy, the kind of guy who always did the right
thing, which was no small matter when it came to
boyfriends. But the big  but was that he lived eight hundred
miles away. When you thought about it, that made him not
much of a boyfriend at all. He was more like a character in
a book someone you  love, but can t cuddle up to.
Meanwhile, Kevin was real. Maybe the only reason I
wasn t choosing him was because I didn t want to feel
guilty about Otto. But guilt was no reason to stay together
with a guy. On the other hand, Kevin was flawed. He was
charming and handsome, which are not the worst
boyfriend-qualities in the world, but he wasn t strong. I d
trusted him once before, and he d really jerked me around.
Sure, he d come out to the whole school, but when push
came to shove, he usually didn t do the right thing.
I knew what I needed to do. I had to talk with Declan
McDonnell. Yes, I wanted just to bask in his presence
again. But I also wanted to ask him what to do. He d
already proven to be pretty wise, my own bathroom angel. 125
He alone would have the answer I sought. (And maybe he
could also tell me what the hell a  brain zombie was!)
I went back to the restroom where we d met those two
times before. This time I was certain that he would be there.
He wasn t. I was all alone.
 Great, I said out loud.  Just great. It echoed off the
cold tile. Well, at least I could try again later in the day.
I turned to go, but as I did, I caught a glimpse of some-
thing along the wall.
A zombie watched me gloomily.
It wasn t Declan McDonnell or one of the other zombie
extras. It was me, in full zombie makeup, reflected in one
of the bathroom s cracked and cloudy mirrors.
And that s when I knew the answer. Otto or Kevin? It
was so obvious!
I had to tell the guy I had chosen. But I couldn t do
it at the film shoot, with other people around. No, I d do it
that night, when we could meet and finally have some time
alone.
There was just one problem. It happened when I got home
that night, right after the film shoot. My parents were in the
kitchen eating ribs from a bucket. Their fingers and faces
126 were covered with barbecue sauce. I hadn t wanted to join
them, but I did have to eat.
 Where were you? my dad asked.
 What do you mean? I said.  You know where I was. I
was on the movie set.
 I don t mean that. I mean last night.
 Last night? You know that too. I was over at Gunnar s.
 Who else was over at Gunnar s?
 What do you mean? I was trying to evade the question
again, but I was pretty sure where this was heading: my par-
ents had learned about Otto. I guess their sources of infor-
mation were moving faster now. It had taken them eight
months to learn that I was gay, but only three days to figure
out that Otto was in town against their wishes.
My mom slapped the table.  Damn it, Russel! Tell us
the truth!
 Okay, okay, I said. Like I said, I didn t lie to my parents.
 We d been planning this visit for months, I went on.  But at
the last minute, you say he can t stay here. Fine. Well, he isn t
staying here. You didn t say he couldn t stay at Gunnar s. And
even if you had, I don t see what business that is of yours.
My parents stood up from the table at exactly the same
time.
 So you ve been seeing him? my mom said accusingly.
 Of course, I said. 127
 Russel, that is not acceptable! my mom said.
 Like I said, I said,  I don t see what business that is of
yours.
This probably wasn t the smartest thing to say. Whether
it was their business or not, they could make it their busi-
ness, since they were my parents.
Sure enough, my mom said,  Russel, you are grounded!
You are not leaving this house for a month!
In other words, I d finally made a decision between
Kevin and Otto only now I couldn t be with either one!
CHAPTER NINE
Could there possibly BE a worse time to be grounded?
But the thing is, I d made my decision. I knew who I
128 wanted to be with. I had to tell him. My parents thought
they could stop that by grounding me? Well, in a nutshell,
they were nuts.
I know I ve said all along I was a good kid. But in this
case, I simply had no choice except to sneak out of the
house without their knowing.
Kevin. That s who I needed to see. I IMed him and told him
to meet me at the stinky picnic gazebo. I also told him to
give me a few minutes because I needed to build a dummy
of myself out of clothes and put it under the covers of my
bed. That way, if my parents peeked into my room, they
might think that I had gone to sleep early. I d read about this
in a book. I doubted it would work it hadn t worked in the
book! but the consequences of my disobeying my parents
and sneaking out the window were so harsh that I figured I
should at least try to avoid them. Lucky for me, my bed-
room was on the ground floor, so it was easy for me to sneak
out the window.
My bike was in the garage, which was impossible to
open without making a ruckus, so I had to run to the stinky
picnic gazebo. I was out of breath by the time I got to the
park. I could see the gazebo on the other side of the long
soccer field. It looked smaller than I remembered, like a
piece in some antique Christmas diorama. 129
Kevin was under the gazebo waiting for me. But there
was someone with him a guy with broad shoulders in
some sort of overcoat. Was it his dad? I d never seen a
teenager dressed like that before. The acoustics of the park
were strange, especially at night, and I could hear the
mumble of them talking across that long expanse of lawn,
but I couldn t make out anything they were saying.
Suddenly Kevin spotted me. He uttered something to
the guy with him, who said something back, then hurried
off into the woods.
What was this? I wondered.
I sprinted across the grass.
When I reached the gazebo, I immediately asked
Kevin,  Who was that? I was out of breath from all that
running.
 Huh? he said. He brushed away an insect.
 That guy I saw you talking to. Who was it? He looked
older.
Kevin stared at me hard.  He was older, he said at last.
He thought a moment more.  In his twenties. He was hit-
ting on me. I ve seen him here before.
I was thoroughly confused.  Kevin, what are you talking
about? What do you mean you ve  seen him here?
130 Kevin slouched.  What do you think ? [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]